woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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