update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
