I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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