you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
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My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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