He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
