if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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