"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
