i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
