Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
