Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
