my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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