You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
