I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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