im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
