After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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