I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think your dad took our porno
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
