I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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