Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
