tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize