hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
