Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
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I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Never joke about your clitoris.
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