I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
