I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
