you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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