Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dear god my vagina.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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