He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
