I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
found the other keg... it's in the tree
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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