whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
