No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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