Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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