highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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