Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
