Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
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Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
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I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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