i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
3 2 1 whiskey
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
