I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
