You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
