not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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