I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
