I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize