can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
