I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
