Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just cut my nipple shaving
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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