I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
