then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
