1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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