Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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