I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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