Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
