new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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