She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
