Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
