the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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