He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
