the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
