It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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