Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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