I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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