Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
