So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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