so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
