Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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