Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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