so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He felt like a one man threesome
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
