just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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