So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
