If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
