Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
