i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
