genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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