what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
