I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
