It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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